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5 October, 1999 12.10pm pdt | Vole Edition
Microsoft Judged More Evil Than Satan Himself
could it be?

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Wondering what the greatest evil of all time is? More evil than Satan himself, perhaps? Well, according to the popular Google search engine, the answer is Microsoft. And since Google works by analyzing links and content of other web pages on the Net, it is safe to conclude that most people of earth fear the Redmond-based mega-company more than anything the Prince of Darkness can muster.

First noted by memepool contributor "pjammer", scholars and theologins have moved to study this apparant shift in the public perception of the Forces of Light and Darkness.

Observers wishing to reproduce this phenomenom should head over to Google and search on the phrase "more evil than satan himself" (removing the quotes first). Alternately, simply follow this link.

"The theological implications alone are astounding," said the Rev. Steven Muggins, chairman and Chief Theological Officer for GodTech Industries. "For years people have reserved such fear and loathing for people such as Hitler, mass-murderers and selected television executives. Even then, they were considered 'as evil as Satan' at best."

Does Satan feel threatened by this development?

"Most definitely," said Dr. Muggins. "Just look at the recent rise in natural disasters. I think what we're seeing is an attempt by Satan to regain lost mindshare."

Across the nation, televangelists are following trends by adjusting sermons, replacing "Satan" with "Microsoft". Ironically, most of these search-and-replace operations are performed using Microsoft Word.

"Another crash! Begone, Microsoft demons," bellowed Pat Robertson during rehersals.

Outside the world of theology, marketing departments are rushing to create new ad campaigns based on the search results.

"Can you trust your data to Microsoft, the company ranked 'More Evil than Satan Himself'," is a theme we should expect to hear often, according to marketing analysts.

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates was unavailbe for interview at press time. Microsoft officials stated Mr. Gates was taking some vacation time after finally achieving some "long-term personal goals".

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