Pope John Paul II, leader of the Roman Catholic Church, and Richard M. Stallman, leader of the Free Software Foundation, came together for an "exchange of ideas" earlier this week in Rome. Among the topics being discussed was the possibility of opening the source of the popular religion.

"Obviously, the possibility of Roman Catholicism, already in use by millions worldwide, being opened up is quite exciting," said Stallman. "Often, you hear people comment that while they might agree with most aspects of the religion they have one or two problems with it. Even folks who use it regulary are known to complain about a few bugs in the system that have been there for centuries. If Roman Catholicism were to become free, they'd be able to go in and fix these problems themselves."

The Pope, troubled by larger numbers turning away from the Church, has been exploring ways to make the Church more popular and attractive, especially among the highly prized 22 - 36 year old male demographic. Apparantly, the rising popularity of anything associating itself with the open source movement had caught his attention.

Also noticed by the Pope was the fanatical blind devotion of Linux devotees. "Not since the days of the Spanish Inquisition has a movement enjoyed such irrational and fervent loyalty from its practitioners," he noted in a statement made earlier this week. Stallman reported that the Pope was interested in porting some of this devotion over to Roman Catholicism, but the pontiff balked when the nature of the GPL was explained fully to him.

"His Holiness was willing to entertain the idea of freeing some smaller parts of the religion, like a couple of the lesser sacraments," explained Stallman. "But he was clearly not ready to open up the entire religion, as the GPL would require of him if he were to adopt any GNU/Linux features."

Besides a historical aversion to code forking, the Pope claims that many aspects of the Church, such as the nature of the Trinity, the Immaculate Conception, and the Transubstantiation, must remain a mystery. "I argued that 'security through obscurity' was not a viable long-term solution, but they are firmly entrenched in the 'mystery' strategy," said Stallman.

Moral arguments for the GPL were quickly brushed aside by Pope John Paul, who warned Stallman against trying "those holier-than-thou tactics" on him.

In the end, no open sourcing of Roman Catholicism was agreed upon, but both parties agreed to keep the lines of communication open. "It may be a long time before it happens," admitted Stallman, "but I think the GNU/Linux community could benefit from a lot of what Roman Catholicism has to offer, should it ever decide to follow the precedent set by the free software movement. Changing water into wine, some of the hymns, the fabulous outfits - and certainly that rising from the dead thing."

The Vatican would not comment on the rumor that Stallman had arranged to borrow the Popoemobile for his next visit to Redmond.

Posted on Thu 30 Mar 11:12:22 2000 PST
Written by mike popovic <editor@bedope.com> [ Author Info ]

mike popovic is responsible for Be Dope and once installed faux leopard fur upholstery in the Popemobile on a dare.